How about just making a non-functional chest block imitation? We don't use them to store anything anyways. Just a plain old nsew-cuboid block that has been resized to the same dimensions should do the trick. Optionally, one could consider context-dependent changes to the model mesh (similar to the wall block) in that the size of the chest would expand to either side when placed next to other chests.
In any case this will remove the memory overhead, the WE issues and options of fuckery by visitors that place items in them
(We'd just need to get rid of all the existing chests at once..)
I'd volunteer for a reskin/ remodel if I ever end up finding time for a quiet evening again.
PS: I just had a stupid idea... I could easily make an overlay pack that colours them brightly. This would make it easier to hunt them down in /gm 3. Potentially, if the mods so will it, this could facilitate a server-wide manual replace rush, which would allow us to expand our range of chests as a follow up to an automatic replace job.
1. Figure out how to make cuboid blocks reactive to context.
2. Re-create the current 1block vanilla chest block as an nsew-cuboid
3. Texture this recreation as the poorest, simplest chest (so we won't have to go through every house of KL later on)
3. Automatically replace ALL vanilla chests with this version of the new chests
4. Create a temporary overlay resource pack which highlights this version (neon pink)
5. Create alt chest textures (coffins, caskets, mid class chest, high class chest, specialty chests (tbd?!))
6. Do a server-wide coordinated event (chest-mania, chest-athon, chestasaurus rex) to replace all poor (and now hot pink) chests at famous locations with the specific alt variants. Leave all the poor standard versions in non-descript, non-significant places.
7. Remove overlay pack.
8. ???
9. Profit